Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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