everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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