How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
