You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
