he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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