Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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