Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
