I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
