If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
