I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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