So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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