Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
