I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
