oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
