Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
