Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
