I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
