For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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