You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
