What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
