it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
