i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As shirtless as possible
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
