dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So squirting runs in the family.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
