I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
