I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am one with the molecules
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
