I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
