matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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