Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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