What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
