So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
