When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
