The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
