I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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