The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
