Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You can't special order awesome
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
