I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
