my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
