My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
