wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
