Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
