I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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