Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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