Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
