I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
