whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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