and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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