Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
