would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
