Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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