my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
