escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
