How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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