How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
