So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
