I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
