Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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