My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
