just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
